What's on my mind today...

1
24
Feb

Yes

I am back….holy flapjacks I haven’t updated this since September…but perhaps I will get back into it now
2
24
Feb

Had a really great 21st birthday! Thanks to everyone who came to hang out with me :)
12
Sep

I need to get away…
12
Sep

Finishing 30 day challenge..Day 21-30

Sorry I have gotten so behind. Im just gonna finish up this challenge and maybe start a new one. Life has been so stressful and hectic lately that I haven’t really been in the mood to write.

Day 21: Someone you judged by their first impression

—Hmm…I can’t really answer this. I don’t tend to be judgmental…not that I don’t get ideas about a person after meeting them..just don’t like to judge. I can’t recall a person off the top of my head that I could write about. If you really want to know something on this subject..just ask me..otherwise I don’t really have anything to elaborate on with this odd topic.

Day 22: Someone you want to give a second chance to

— As I have mentioned..I don’t really have a lot of enemies or people that I hate…so there hasn’t been a reason to really give anybody a second chance right now.

Day 23: The last person you kissed

<3 My boyfriend :D

Day 24: The person that gave you your favorite memory

— This is really hard…so hard to pick. I have had sooo many good memories especially with Mary, Brock, and Nacho. I guess one that I can really elaborate on that was really special is when Nacho went with me/ took me to see a special performance of Flyleaf. We waited like 3 hours in line before the door opened and we were like 3 feet away from them. The best part was actually getting a picture and getting to personally thank lacey for saving my life. I was so shook up from the whole experience- it was so personal and amazing and Im so thankful I had someone like Nacho to share the experience with, it was truly an amazing day and totally worth the wait! <3 you papi!

Day 25: The person you know that is going through the worst of times

— As aware as i am…I don’t really see anybody having a hard hard time right now. I know i’m really struggling myself, but I’m not sure. I would like to think that if someone is going through something bad- I would know about it and I would be there for them. So hopefully nobody is feeling blue…if so- I am always here to talk to or here to listen! <3 you all

Day 26: The last person you made a pinky promise to

— Im really not trying to make these short because I am making up for lost days that I should have finished these off…but for real…I can’t remember a time I made a pinky promise..I’m sure I have..but not anytime in the last like 10 years!

Day 27: The friendliest person you knew for one day

—I met this girl at a cast party for a show I usually do every year. We were just hanging out at the pool and she was some lady’s daughter. I thought about how weird it would be for someone to show up at a party where most everybody knows each other and how awkward it could be, but this girl was really outgoing and I thought she was so incredibly nice. She was younger than me, but so easy to get along with. She was super sweet and by the end of the day we were already making plans to hang out and exchanging our information to stay in touch because she also was only visiting temporarily. I remember talking about her to some of my friends because I wanted to hang out with her..but I never got the chance. She was so friendly and nice though- hard to come across those people nowadays.

Day 28: Someone that changed your life

—My sisters. My older sister because after she passed away- life was hard. But through that obstacle- I became a stronger person. I’m not just an average person…I am who I am because of what happened and what I went through. My life has greatly been changed because of the accident, and I can’t even imagine how different life would be if it hadn’t happened. My little sister has down syndrome. She is an inspiration because she is one of the happiest kids I know. She makes me laugh all the time, says the cutest things and is always so loving. Even if she wakes me up when I don’t want to get up..it’s super cute and I can’t help but give her a big hug :)

Day 29: The person you want to tell everything to, but are too afraid to.

— This is kind of weird because I am really a pretty open person, depending on who I am talking to. I am not open with my mother. Have I been afraid to talk about certain things, of course I have. I think some of the most important people in my life right now, know most everything about me. For the most part I open up pretty easily though..so I don’t know..that’s both a good and a bad thing..just depends.

Day 30: Your reflection in the mirror

— haha. this is good. To be quite truthful, some people think I am cute/pretty…whatever. A lot of people see me as that girl who is always happy and smiling. (Majority of the time I am happy). When I look in the mirror..I’m pretty sure I am just like any other person- Self conscious…unhappy…ugly…broken..confused. I look at myself..and I wonder why..I look at myself and see the “I’m never gonna be good enough” When I look in the mirror I’m not just looking at my reflection..I’m looking at my life..my heart. Just when I think I know who I am..I look in the mirror and have lost everything again and find myself trying to put the pieces back together and figure myself out.
174
12
Sep

This is awesome.
(Source: -wasteaway, via drabeyesopenedwide)
5
5
Sep

(Source: fcukk-off)
27964
3
Sep

priscillastname:

(via joannamelody)

(via people-should-smile-more)
1
Sep

This is beautiful. I love it.
31
Aug

CATCHUP!!! Day 10-20 …..LONG!

So I got really behind and decided I would catch up on my days for my challenge here all in one big post! So I applaud you if you actually read all of it!!!

Day 10: Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

—Hmm…honestly there is a friend, this guy I used to consider one of my best friends and I really cherished the rare times that we would open up and the few rare things that he would tell me that I knew he didn’t share with other people. I used to chill with him all the time but now I barely see him at all and I miss him. I’ve been running into him at school and it has been nice to chat for a few seconds but unfortunately it’s not like old times…hopefully in the near future we will be able to hang out and actually reconnect like the good old days!

Day 11: A deceased person you wish you could talk to

— Quite frankly if I could talk to anyone, it would be my older sister Ashley. I feel like I barely knew her, and in other ways I did at the same time. I was so young when it happened. I just wish that I could hear her voice again and get to know everything about her, I wonder how alike we would be if she were still here, and how different life would be today…I could ask so many questions and learn who she is or who she really was…everything happens for a reason..just wish I had her around to talk to when I needed “sisterly” advice or have her to go to for anything. I miss her. R.I.P.   :-\

Day 12: The person you hate most/caused you the most pain

— I didn’t think that I could really hate someone. I get along with just about everyone and I really don’t have any enemies. This person isn’t an enemy…in fact this person ~~used~~ to be a really good friend of mine. This person was somebody I trusted, that I hung out with and felt comfortable around and had fun with. There was a situation with this person and as a friend of mine..he used me. He used me really badly and I let him get away with it. I think I didn’t realize it was happening at first but afterword I could not believe they (the person) did that to me. I even thought I would still be friends with this person after the situation and I tried to for a little while but I just couldn’t. It got to the point where I couldn’t hang out with them because I would flash back to that event and I didn’t even want to look at this person anymore. What they did was unbelievably wrong and painful emotionally. I even started having nightmares recently after the event. This person still wanted to hang out with me and I denied and denied like every day…I didn’t care whether there were other people or if it was just this person..I made a deal with myself that I would not/ could not be around this person anymore. I even deleted them off of facebook and denied their requests twice…maybe 3 times…I think they finally got the hint! I was very weak and afraid when I got into that situation…but I feel really confident now that I could face that person today and give them a piece of my mind- and maybe a fist to the face.

Day 13:Someone you wish could forgive you

   — I wish one of my old friends would forgive me for not accepting their request that I go to the school dance with them. So much drama and craziness happened after that and I know that not just that incident but just forgive me that I broke your heart without even trying to. I think this person is an amazing writer and has always had a mature outlook on life and helped me when I asked him for advice and he was an incredible friend. I wish that you never were drawn into me because I unknowingly tore you apart when times were already rough for you. I hope you can forgive me for any decisions I made to make you feel like you weren’t good enough. You are an incredible person and I could never forget the impact you have made in my life— even if you don’t know it, you will always hold a special place in my heart.

Day 14: Someone you’ve drifted away from

   — I’ve drifted away from my mother….a lot over the past 6 years. I really don’t need to elaborate on here for this.

Day 15: The person you miss the most

      —currently I am missing my best friend Mary. She has been gone for only like 2 weeks at UT but I feel as though part of me went with her. The best thing is we are writing each other a few times a week and keeping each other updated with life and I still feel her presence when I read a message from her or just the way she writes something I can hear her saying it to me. I just miss the fact that I can’t just text her right away when I want to go do something random or see a new movie or show her something. I miss that and I miss just doing random things like going to the park or whatever. But luckily we are staying in touch :)

Day 16: Someone that’s not in your state/country

— I have two friends that I met in high school that were visiting from Germany and Norway..for an exchange student like program. My friend Max is really funny and goofy and was in my theater class. My friend Thomas is from Norway and was in my speech class. The cool thing is I have visited with Thomas both times he came back into town the past couple of years- so we get to catch up and I get to hear all the great stories about stuff happening in Norway!

Day 17: Someone from your childhood

—Lauren, Derin, Alexa, Mary- You name it! I’ve actually grown up with most of the same friends since grade school. It’s really awesome to know that you have spent all these years growing up and making memories with all of these people and to continue to stay in touch/be friends even while in college.

Day 18:The person you wish you could be

   — This is really tough for me at the moment. I guess I could say that I wish I could meet all the expectations that my parents want from me, and I wish I could be there for every person I know and am friends with, I wish I could be a perfect girlfriend, I wish I never stopped pushing myself, I wish I didn’t lose motivation. All I can say is that there is so much pressure around you and that you put on yourself and all I can do is try to be the best that I can be. I just hate the fact that my best never seems to be good enough for anyone. If I know myself better than anyone else..shouldn’t I be allowed to be who I want to be? On my own terms? and not according to the expectations of someone else. Shouldn’t I be who I am without having somebody try to change me. I should be accepted just as I am and not be told that I am a disappointment or a failure almost every day of my life. I really try to be the best that I can…I wish I could please everybody but I can’t. I can only be me-in the now. What you see is what you get.

Day 19: Someone that pesters your mind good, or bad

    — I don’t think that I can pick a specific person that pesters me for the better or worse. I constantly over analyze little details to the finest “t” that I can make of them. So I’m sure different people that I have talked to have at some point in time pestered me either good or bad, because I over analyze what people say…much later after they have said something…so I am constantly being pestered because my brain never likes to shut off and stop thinking about things that people have said or just about anything!

Day 20: The one that broke your heart the hardest

      — Of all the people I have dated, I can say that nobody has truly had my heart…until now. I really hope that it’s not broken anytime soon, because it has taken a long time and a lot to actually give my heart away to somebody.
1
26
Aug

Today

I can honestly say I am so happy….In fact these past few days have been pretty good. I mean nothing was super horrible. Yes I have been up since 5 this morning, and yes I have had two coffees already, but I am ok. I haven’t been following my 30 day challenge lately, I know :-\ but I promise I will finish it. Sometimes it’s better to just live life. Sometimes you think living life is all about doing something extravagant or extreme….but some of the best moments are the times when you aren’t really doing anything at all. Sometimes I just enjoy laying down and relaxing…and yesterday I went to the store…and then I purposely drove around longer for the sole purpose of feeling the wind blowing in my face and the cool air rushing against my hand because the weather was so wonderful yesterday and I couldn’t get enough of it…I felt like I could have spent all day driving with my window down…just absorbing it and enjoying it while we had it…it was so nice. Also I am already making a friend in my bio lecture class and I am in LOVE with my psych class. Today we learned something to think about….to think about how every day is a good day to die. Live your life and make sure you always enjoy the time that you have. Stop and notice the wind every now and then :)